To Those Who Race the Stars
by Marie215
Summary: Cadet Aniah Kahn was aboard the U.S.S Valiant at the start of the Dominion War. After being rescued by the Enterprise she faces new adventures with the crew, while trying to re-discover her confidence and courage with the help of one Wesley Crusher. Here is a story of those brave souls who dare to race the stars.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** Hey everyone! So I don't do Author's Notes often, so when I do please just read them. A few quick things before we begin:  
1. With the introduction of a new character, my character, events of the series are bound to change, as such this is kind of an AU but I will reference and maybe even use events from the series, but the course of events as they were in the series may be changed.  
2. This will be updated once every week, and if it won't be updated look for an **A/N **the week before and it will let you know  
3. I love feedback and would greatly appreciate reviews!

Ok that's all. I hope you enjoy To Those Who Race The Stars.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything involving any of the Star Trek franchise.

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**Prologue **

It was hot. Excruciatingly hot. It was so hot that it felt as if my uniform were melting into my

skin, forming a gruesome combination of polyester blend and flesh. The cooling systems had been cut over an hour ago, and our life support systems were begining to run low. The crew was gone, red lights flickered overhead, and the alarm kept blaring.

From my position at the helm I saw the Jem'Hadar battleship coming around preparing for another attack. This was it. Shields were completely down, and weapons systems had been destroyed. Around me the bridge shuttered from another torpedo connecting with the ships hull.

I closed my eyes waiting for the inevitable darkness that would soon takeover, if not from internal bleeding or oxygen deprivation, then from a well aimed torpedo that would shatter the viewer and allow the cold fingers of space would pull me from the ship.

"~S.S Val~nt. This ~s the U.S~ Enterprise. Do ~ou copy?"

The comm system, though the console was burnt and disfigured, had still somehow managed to receive a garbled hailing frequency.

I couldn't help but think I was delirious, possibly with a concussion, my mind making up a rescue that wasn't really there.

I could feel tears begin to gather in my eyes, as panic began to finally set in. It is one thing to realize the inevitability of death throughout ones life, but to come face to face with it after fighting so hard to live…now that is a fate worse than death. To face defeat, certain and utter defeat, that is something that would haunt me for the rest of, what seemed to be my very short, life.

"Repe~. U.S.S Valia~t. This is the U.S.S Enterpr~i~se. Do y~ou copy?"

My eyes opened as fast as they physically could, and blearily looked around the red-washed bridge.

I tried to swallow, but my throat was too dry and swollen to allow the silva to travel down.

Wheezing and rasping, I painfully raised my arm to rest on the panel in front of me. I'm pretty sure I had broken my arm at some point, during the pandemonium that had ensued only a short while earlier.

My fingers inched towards the comm button, and the ship lurched again. The lights went out, only the eerie glow of the still functioning consoles illuminated the bridge now.

I drew in a deep breath before answering my rescue, "U…S.S….Valiant…..here sir." Another attempt to swallow, "Acting…..Ca..Captain Aniah Kahn….rep….report…..reporting sir."

"This is Capt~in Jean-Lu~ Pica~rd, of the ~~.S Enterprise. We are pre~ared to beam you~~and your cr~ew aboard."

I could feel my consciousness fading quickly, "No crew" I gasp. "Just me and Tim."

"Prepare to ~eam ~board." Capitan Picard

The last thing I heard before everything went black, was the glass shattering, and I felt the bone chilling cold that could only be associated with space.

_"Welcome aboard Cadets. While here you will be under review, not only by your senior officers in your department on this ship, but also for your conduct and professionalism in interplanetary communications and relations. You now may locate your quarters and report to your designated posts at 19:00. Dismissed." _

_Captain Ramriez turned and exited the mess hall where he had gathered us for our briefing. _

_I glanced around at my classmates, all of them with faces filled with excitement and promise. I spotted Tim across the hall chatting up Lani, the 5'8" resident Betazoid in the Red Squad, who was more beautiful than all the rest of the crew combined. I wasn't jealous though, Tim was a good friend of mine, no romantic affiliation whatsoever. He was a real ladies man, but I knew how much he actually liked Lani, and I was glad he was finally working up the courage to talk to her. _

_"Ni!" I turned my head to see Jane, a short and spritely Bajorian, who had been my roommate in the Academy my first year, "Common we're gonna go find our rooms now."_

_She had an infectious smile, and with a final glance at Tim, who was now laughing with Lani about something, I followed Jane out of the mess hall and into the hallways of the newly constructed U.S.S Valiant._

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Hope the prologue grabbed your attention and you want to read more! Don't forget to write me a review and tell me what you think.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Star Trek Franchise.

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**Chapter 1**

The first thing that returned was my hearing. A steady, yet dull beeping was close enough to my ears to be annoying, and jerked me out of sleep.

My body, not realizing it was in fact confined under a life support system, reacted as if it were still sitting at the helm of a dying ship. My eyes flew open, being blinded by the glaring overhead lighting, and my body attempted to shoot up into a sitting posture. I was stopped not only by the solid structure that had been situated over my chest and abdominal region, but also by the pain that bloomed through my entire torso at the movement.

I crashed back on to the soft surface that was under me, my eyes frantically trying to adjust to the lighting so I could identify my surroundings. The beeping that had been so steady earlier was now erratic and piercing. I was gasping for breath, nearing a full blown panic attack when my vision finally began to clear.

The walls were a light beige color, almost close to white, and as it turned out the lights were not as bright as they originally seemed. Even in my delirious state, I felt confusion. This certainly wasn't death. It wasn't any type of afterlife or peaceful resting place. This was a sickbay. How had I wound up here?

I turned my head to the left and noticed body on the bed next to mine. The only difference between us was that this person had a sheet over their head, and no life support system. They were dead.

I couldn't help but stare at the body laid out next to me, it was almost as if I was stuck in a trance. In that moment, lying in a sickbay of an unknown starship, apparently fighting for my life I realized the fine line between life and death. How quickly that balance could be upset, and how closely we as Starfleet officers, walk that line.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice someone coming up on my right-hand side until they touched my arm. My head whipped around so fast that the muscles went into spasm. Standing there was a lovely middle aged woman with red hair, and the kindest blue eyes I'd ever seen.

"Take it easy" She said with a small smile.

"Where am I?" My throat was dry and scratchy, and it hurt to speak but I needed answers.

"You are on board the Starship Enterprise, in sickbay. You're a very lucky girl."

I rolled my eyes, "Yea….lucky."

She walked away and grabbed a glass of water from the replicator, which I must say I drank in a very unladylike manner.

"You are!" She states, "You managed to hold of a Dominion battleship, and you lived to tell about it. If that's not luck I don't know what is."

She seemed so adamant about it, I almost believed her. But I didn't. She didn't know what had transpired aboard that ship in in the last few hours of its voyage.

"It could be skill to you know." I replied raising an eyebrow.

She began to run a scanner over my head, probably checking for another concussion, "Yes I suppose it could also be skill."

"I'm sorry Doctor, but you haven't mentioned your name yet."

"Doctor Beverly Crusher."

"Acting Cap….I mean Cadet Aniah Kahn. Sorry, slip of the tongue."

Dr. Crusher smiled again, "No worries, you've been through a lot lately, I don't think anyone can fault you for a slight slip of the tongue."

It was only then that I realized something, "I'm sorry did you say Crusher?"

"Yes, Why?"

"I knew someone with the same name in the Academy. He must be your son, or nephew, Wesley?"

"Yes Wesley is my son. He's actually on board right now. He just got back for leave before his last year at the Academy. Do you know him well?"

I couldn't help but blush a little. Wesley and I did know each other well, we were actually pretty good friends, but there was no denying the fact that he was a good looking young man, and the fact that I'd always been quite attracted to him. The only problem was that we were both too focused on the work we were doing, him on engineering, me on operations, and both of us on flying and navigation.

"We knew of each other."

"Ah. Well I'm sure he knows your on board and he'll come down to see you then. It seems like you concussion is gone which is good. I managed to stop the internal bleeding and mend you arm, but you're going to be sore for a while, and no strenuous activity for at least three weeks. But other than that I think you'll be able to be out of here in the next few days. I want to keep you for observation though, just to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"Thank you very much . I appreciate it." I gave her a smile.

"Oh wait Doctor! Is…is Kahn alright? I can still feel her, so I know she's alive, but…is she healthy?"

"Yes, your symbiont is fine. Your isoboramine levels were pretty low, but we were able to stabilize you. Like I said, you got very lucky."

She then left me and returned to her office. I looked at the ceiling, and thought about the last few hours….or had it been days at this point. I never did ask what the stardate was. I couldn't help but think about my classmates, my friends. Did they find someplace safe to land? Were they onboard the Enterprise?

It was then that I thought about Tim. I had forgotten that he had been on the bridge with me, though he had been unconscious at the time. But now that my head was clearer head I realized that I hadn't seen him.

"Um excuse me…Doctor?" I called out to the empty sickbay.

Dr. Crusher emerged from her office, while checking over some readings on her tricorder. She looked up at me and asked what was wrong.

"What happend to the man I was beamed aboard with? He's about 5'7", brunette, brown eyes. His name is Tim Watters. You haven't seen him have you?"

Her face became grim by the end of my sentence, and her bright blue eyes shifted to the bed next to me, and I was finally able to piece things together.

"No." I whispered shaking my head, "No, no, no."

I felt tears involuntarily run down my cheeks as I looked over at the bed next to me for the second time, only this time it felt different. I didn't feel a insightful or like I had just learned a great lesson. No, this time I only felt pain, a blinding sorrow that consumed my entire being.

I barely heard Dr. Crusher express her sympathies to me, I could barely hear anything in fact. There was a rushing sound in my ears, mingled with the sound of my breaking heart. I could feel myself hyperventilating and my vision was growing dark around the edges.

I felt a hand on my arm again, but nothing could pull me out of the sea I was drowning in. And to be honest I didn't want anyone too. I now didn't know if I had saved anyone. The crew from the ship wasn't here so I assumed they had either flown to another location or didn't even make it past the Jem'Hadar ship, and were killed on sight. And now Tim was dead. As far as I knew, I was the only survivor of the U.S.S Valiant, and for some reason that thought terrified me.

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Let me know what you guys think!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Star Trek Franchise.

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**Chapter 2 **

I awoke again in sickbay, this time the lights were dim. I felt unusually calm as I lay there. Actually I wasn't sure if I was clam, or if I was just numb. Numb to every emotion that was swirling around in my body. I could feel therm there, just below the surface, but its as if they were hitting a barrier that was preventing them from being processed in my mind. This was Kahn's doing. Our job was to learn from each other, to protect each other, to live for and with one another. I thanked her in my mind, and she responded calmly in turn.

It was a strange connection a Trill had with their symbiont. Bonded for life, one couldn't survive without the other, we were one in the same. We shared memories, emotions, and even thoughts at times. At my darkest hours, I was glad that Kahn was there. I was glad I could never be alone. But it could also be a burden. There were times when I wasn't able to distinguish her memories from mine. Moments where her emotions would be so strong, that I would mistake them for my own. But she was mostly quite, willing to watch and learn and experience things with me rather than for me. I was glad the council chose her for me, I was glad that she chose me for her.

Footsteps approached me on the right side, but I didn't move my gaze from the ceiling.

"Aniah." This was a new voice, soft and gentle, "My name is Deanna Troi. I'm the Enterprise's Counselor."

I stayed silent. I didn't need a Counselor. I really didn't need to talk to anyone, I just needed to be alone for a while.

"Aniah. I know you've been through a great deal. I want to help you, if you'll let me."

Finally I turned my head towards her but it wasn't me who was speaking. Kahn had taken over now, I was emotionally compromised, "Thank you for your concern Counselor, but we will be fine."

The voice that came out of my mouth was almost robotic, but it was low and smooth, just like Kahn's always was.

"I see. Well if you ever do want to talk, please don't hesitate to find me."

I nodded my head and returned my gaze to the ceiling.

Deanna watched me for a few moments before vacating the chair that had been placed on the side of my bed. I could over hear a muffled conversation between her, and who I assumed to be Dr. Crusher. I found it odd that the Captain, or at very least the first officer, had not come yet to discuss the events of the Valiant with me, but then again I assumed Dr. Crusher had somehow intervened only behalf.

I heard the hydraulics of the door, that signified that someone had either entered the room or exited it. I had hoped that it was the later, until I heard the voice of the newest of the rooms occupants.

"Mom! I heard that Niah was here. Is she alright? What happened? Can I see her?"

"Wes…" I whispered. I felt myself instantly come back into control. All of my emotions bubbling to the surface once again. It was like a dam had broken inside of me and once again I was drowning. Not even Kahn could hold back the flood of emotions that crashed over me. I stayed staring at the ceiling, tears leaking down each side of my face, and I could do nothing to stop them. I couldn't even do anything to ebb them.

I found myself yelling for him from across the room. I was desperate for a familiar face, for someone who could not just listen, but someone who understand, who wouldn't just tell me that it would be alright, but they would really mean it. Though I didn't doubt the Counselor's capabilities at her job, I wasn't one to bare my soul, nor my mind, to someone who I had just met. No matter their rank, or profession.

All of a sudden Wesley Crusher was by my side. I realized when Wes grabbed my hand that the life support system had been removed. must have realized I was capable enough to survive on my own power. But that wasn't more than a fleeting thought when I laid my eyes on his face.

He was older than I remember, but that shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did considering I hadn't seen him in over a year. His jaw was more defined, and he had a slight stubble growing. He was definitely a few inches taller, but his eyes…they hadn't changed at all. They were still a beautiful deep brown, and where as they were usually filled with a childlike wonder at almost anything, now they were filled with concern and what looked akin to desperation.

"Niah…Niah what's wrong? Are you in pain?" His voice was even deeper than I had remembered.

I couldn't answer him though. Choking on sobs I could only nod.

"Where?" he pushed further, "Where does it hurt?"

I raised my hand slowly to point towards my heart.

His eyes softened a bit but he asked one more question, just for clarification, "Does it hurt physically?"

I shook my head, "There gone Wes." I gasped out, "Their all gone."

I wrenched my hand out of his and brought both of them shaking to my face to muffle my wails.

His warm hands engulf mine and gently pry them away from my face.

Looking at him though bloodshot eyes, he said, "I'm still here Ni. I'm here."  
And that was all I needed, that was all it took for another wave of tears. But these were not only tears of sorrow. The tears I now cried were mingled with tears of relief, and joy. I had no idea that one person could feel so many emotions at one time. How did the Betazoid's handle not only their emotions but those of others? I felt like my head was going to explode with just my own feelings swirling around.

Wesley sat in the chair that had been occupied by Counselor Troi only a few minutes before, and held my hand for what felt like hours. It honestly might have been, my sense of time had been drastically altered by my short stay upon the Enterprise. He was softly stroking the back of my hand with his thumb, and that arm was the only part of me at the moment that didn't wish my atoms had somehow gotten screwed up in the transporter on the way over. That arm was the only sane part of my body.

We didn't say anything the whole time he was there, and at some point my body must have exhausted itself, because when I awoke for the third time in sickbay, I felt better than I had the last time. Kahn had not intervened, and I was in control of my body. I still felt like I wanted to open an air lock with myself in it, but the urge was more easily repressed this time.

I felt a heat seeping into my hand and glanced over to where it was coming from. There hunched over with his head on the side of my bed sat Wesley Crusher. He was sleeping soundly, but he still held a firm grip on my hand. The anchor to my ship, that has become lost at sea in a storm. I couldn't help but let a small tentative smile bloom.

"He's been there all night. But he has to report for duty in an hour."  
The sound of 's voice made me look up.

She wore a smirk and stood with her arms crossed,

"You knew 'of' each other?" she asked sarcastically.

My eyes widened a bit at her repetition of my earlier words, and I felt heat appear on my face.

"Ok….so we knew each other pretty well."

Dr. Crusher's smirk turned into a smile, and she walked into her office and throwing over her shoulder, "Wake him up, he needs to get ready for his shift."

I turned back to Wesley and carefully removed my hand from under his. I began to shake his shoulders,

"Wes…Wes common you have to wake up….Wesley!"

I tried to keep my voice soft, I didn't want him to panic when he awoke. He gave a slight jerk before raising his head and glancing around. He then raised his arms above his head in a stretch.

"Good morning sleepy head." I lightly mocked.

Seeming to finally realize where he was he looked over at me and smiled, "Niah, you awake! How are you feeling?"

I smiled back, "I'm fine."

"Fine isn't really a feeling though."

I sighed and sunk further into my bed, "What do you want me to say Wes? I'm fine…that's about all I can feel right now.

My eyes were focused on my hands that were folded in my lap. I had a cuticle that I was picking at, but it was more out of need for a distraction than actually needing to remove the cuticle.

"Your mom told me to tell you that your shift starts in an hour, and for you to go get ready."

"Wow, it's that late already? Umm, yea alright, I should probably get going. You'll be ok until my shift is over?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes, as much as I appreciated his concern and as cute as I thought it was, I was a grown woman completely capable of handling myself…suicidal thoughts and all.

"Wes…I'll be fine."

"See there is that word again." He said jokingly tapping his chin, only it wasn't funny.

"Wes!" I finally snapped.

"Jeez, ok ok, I believe you. You'll be fine."

He had thrown his hands up in defense, but I could see the hurt in his eyes and I could most definitely hear it in his voice. I sighed and looked up at him.

"I'm sorry Wes. But trust me, I'll be ok, just go do your shift. I'll be here when you're done." I finished with a smile.

He returned the gesture and began to walk out. "I'll see you in a few hours Ni!", and with that the door shut behind him.

As soon as he was out of sight though, it was like the world was closing in on me again. I could feel my chest tightening and my breath shallowing.

I didn't like this. This wasn't me. I was never the person who depended on other people. Hell I was the person who people depended on! This couldn't be happening, I couldn't let it happen. And yet here I was, laying in a sickbay bed, having already passed out twice in my short time upon the Enterprise, hyperventilating because Wesley Crusher, my anchor, my friend, had left to report for duty. This had to stop…and it had to stop now.

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Hope you're enjoying it. I'd love to hear what you think!


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Star Trek Franchise.

**AN:** Hey everyone here is one of the few Author's Notes I'm going to do so please just glance at it. I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far! Here is the 1 week update. I haven't gotten any reviews yet...which honestly makes me a little sad. But the show must go on! Here is chapter 3!

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**Chapter 3**

I was bored. Oh god was I bored! I had been sitting in my bed for hours, doing absolutely nothing and I was going completely out of my mind.

I had just begun to recite the planets in the Beta Quadrant for the third time, when I heard the doors open again. My eyes shifted towards the door and saw the Counselor had come back. I let out a huff and went back to the planets.

_Cardassia_

_Betazed _

_Bajor_

"Hello Aniah."  
"Hi…"

_Earth_

_Trill_

She continued despite my cold shoulder, "I spoke to Wesley earlier. He told me you liked to draw…so I brought you these."

_Cest~_

I stopped mid-thought and looked at her hands. Sitting there on her lap was a beautiful leather bound book, with strange looking writing around the edges. The leather was brown and looked soft. Sitting gently on top was a simple pencil. She held the objects out for me to take, and I carefully took them from her grasp.

"This is for me?" I asked, I couldn't help but be confused. Is this how they treat all of their rescues, giving them lavish things. Or was I a special charity case?

"It's beautiful…I can't accept this, it must have cost a fortune!"

I began to hand the book back to her, but she just held up her hand in a signal to stop.

"Please, keep them. I have had them just sitting in my room for about five years. They were a present from someone on Vulcan, but they didn't know that I don't draw. I'd rather see it be put to use and filled with artwork, than sit on my shelf collecting dust." She said with a smile, lowering her hand.

I marveled at her cool demeanor. She always seemed to keep her voice soft and angelic. There was just a warmth that exuded off of her and made the whole room light up. I began to feel a little ashamed that I had been so cold to her. I knew she only wanted to help, but opening up to people was just something I didn't do. I could at least try be polite and cordial though.

I indicated to the symbols around the edges, "This writing is Vulcan then?"

"Yes. It is a Vulcan saying 'Nothing that is unimportant'. I suppose it means that whatever is important enough to be artistically created can go in here. Vulcans actually produce some very beautiful art, and very moving music. Many people don't realize just how deeply they feel ."

I ran my hand across the imprinted letters and found a strange comfort in them, but I found more in the worlds Counselor Troi spoke next.

"The Vulcans also say that 'by accepting the inevitable, one finds peace'."

I tore my gaze from the book and focused on her face. I hadn't realized before this point that she was a Betazoid, but looking at her now the black eyes were a dead give away. Those eyes that someone could become so easily lost in, they made you want to bare your soul. They showed understanding and warmth.

"The inevitable…" I whispered.

Visions of the Valiant flitted through my head. I could hear the screams of my friends as the ship shook and they ran to the escape pods. I saw Tim laying on the floor of the bridge, pinned by a heavy piece of metal, blood begging to pool around his body. The alarms and Red Alert siren blaring inside my head.

"Aniah…"

I vaguely heard my name being called, but it was so far away that it seemed like it was coming from another world.

The images kept coming faster and faster in my mind. The battleship, the Valiant violently stuttering, being at the helm desperately trying to send out a mayday communication to any Federation ships in the vicinity.

"Aniah!"

The voice was closer this time, but I was still lost in the dark.

I saw myself yelling at Tim, telling him he was a bad Captain. Relieving him from duty, him grabbing my shoulders, and me rounding on him, punching him straight in the jaw. Then I saw his body laying on the table next to mine. I never go the chance to apologize, we never settled any of it. The last thing I did was hit my best friend, the last thing I said to him was that he had gotten us all killed because of his arrogance.

I was finally broken out of my memories when someone placed a soft hand on top of mine. The hand belonged to the Counselor. Her face was contorted in concern, and I knew she could feel every single emotion that was rushing through my body. My cheeks were wet and my nose was running, and I'm sure I looked like a complete wreck.

I tried desperately to stop crying, wrenching my hand out from under hers and wiping it against both of my cheeks.

"Aniah, you shouldn't suppress this. It's not healthy."

"I'll be fine. I AM FINE!" I practically yelled this, but it wasn't directed completely towards her, it was also directed towards myself. If I said it out loud, if I said it loud enough maybe I would believe it. Maybe my heart would finally listen to me.

I think Counselor Troi realized she wouldn't be getting much more out of me because her hand fell from the bed and she stood. She had felt that she had been making progress with me, and maybe she had, but it was over now. I had shut down again.

"Maybe one day you'll be able to show me what you draw in that book." And with that she left.

My mind wasn't focused on anything, and I just stared blankly out into sickbay. My fingers though kept tracing the letters on my new sketch book. I was grateful for Counselor Troi bringing this to me. Not only was it finally going to be a distraction from boredom, but it was my form of therapy. I could just pour myself onto the page and no one would have to see it. My sketch book was my diary. My old sketchbook was gone, lost somewhere in space and time on the hallow shell that was the U.S.S Valiant.

I picked up the pencil and peeled back the leather cover of the book. The pages were an off white color, but smooth and clean. I began to draw what was on my mind. The faces of my friends began to materialize on the page. Jane, Lani, Tog, a hilarious Ferengi engineer, Gereb our resident Andorian genius, there was also Matt, Tim, John, and Amanda the humans that finished out our strange gang of friends.

The drawings were detailed and realistic and all of them were wearing expressions that accurately portrayed their personalities. Jane was wearing a bright smiling, Lani with a soft one. Tog was in the middle of telling some joke that John was laughing heartily at, and Gereb was looking down pensively, reading one book or another. Matt and Amanda were together looking at each other with all the love in the world, and then the was Tim. Tim had a serious expression on his face, the one he always wore when he was on the bridge…before his arrogance had taken over. He was always one of the strongest people I knew, and it hurt me to see what power had done to him. He was an amazing person; brave, loyal, dashing, but he was a terrible Capitan, which was unfortunate.

There were forty-seven people on that ship. Forty-seven of my classmates who were now lost. I had no idea if they were alive or dead or dying, they were just gone. I sighed and softly ran my fingers down the page, tracing the contours of each of their faces.

Between Counselor Troi's visit and my drawings I had killed sometime, but now that I had a cap on my emotions again, I was bored again.

"Dr. Crusher?" I called out into the empty room.

She emerged from her office in her blue lab coat. Her red curls were pulled loosely behind her neck in a low ponytail, and he had a hypo-spray in hand.

"Yes Aniah? Are you alright?"

"Oh, yea, no I'm fine. Um I was just wondering….is there anyway I would be ably to…I don't know, walk around or something? I'm going a little stir crazy."

"I really don't think you should be up and walking around yet. I don't want you to strain yourself, you just got off of the life support system yesterday."

I flopped back onto the bed and sighed, I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. The fall onto the bed actually made me wince a bit, so it might have been a good thing I wasn't moving around quite yet, "I understand."

"Look maybe tomorrow you can get out of here. But there will be no stress! You have to take it easy for a while. You know what you've been through, there is no need to rush yourself." She continued on, "The Captain wants to see you first thing when you get out of here though. I'll let him know that tomorrow morning you can meet with him, sound alright?"

"Yea that sounds fine. Thank you Doctor." I didn't move when I answered her.

She chuckled a little, "You know you are just like Wesley. He hated being in sickbay. He always was always asking if he could get back to engineering, or back to the bridge. One time he broke his arm, and it took him two hours to even report here for treatment, then as soon as he got here he was asking when he could leave."

I lifted my torso to rest on my elbows and look at her. She was looking down with a soft expression on her face, and I smiled, "He's lucky his mom has a great beside manner."  
Dr. Crusher glanced up and me and smiled, "Thank you. Now I want you to get more rest, I'm sure Wesley will wake you up when he gets back."

I hadn't realized how tired I actually was, which I found somewhat alarming due to the fact that I hadn't done anything. But regardless I felt my eyes closing and my breath evening out. Before I knew it I was taken by a world of terror I couldn't escape.

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Keep on reading! And please maybe take the time to review, it would make me really happy to hear what you guys are like don't like, or any feedback you might have! Thanks again!


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Star Trek Franchise.

P.s- Thanks to the reviews and follows I got. It makes me feel good knowing there are people actually enjoying this haha.

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**Chapter 4**

My screaming woke me up. I was trashing against an unknown force, something was holding me down.

"Aniah! Wake up! Open your eyes! Niah…Niah please! It's me! It's Wesley, open your eyes!"

My eyes snapped open and locked with his immediately. I all but threw myself at him, needing to know he was really there. My arms camped around his torso and my forehead rested on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat.

His reaction was slightly delayed, probably out of shock, but he did respond. One arm made it's way to my back, supporting me against him, and the other found its way to my hair and began to gently stroke my head.

"It's alright Ni, I'm here. You're here on the Enterprise. It's alright…"

He kept repeating this over and over, and eventually my breathing regulated itself.

"Wes this isn't me. I'm not like this! What's happening to me?" I was desperate for an answer, but I knew no one would, or could, answer me.

He took my head between his hands and had me look up at his face, "Ni, you've been through a lot. No one blames you for any of this."

"People keep saying that Wesley, 'You've been through a lot', 'Don't keep this bottled up'! But it's not that simple! Lots of people have 'been through a lot' and they don't react like this! Why am I so different? I don't think I've ever reacted this way to anything in my life. Wes….what is going on?! It feels like I'm loosing my grip on who I am!"

His eyes were filled with sorrow, he was sorry for me. I didn't want his pity, I wanted his help. But that was too much pressure to be putting on him. Here I was, after not seeing him for a year, expecting him to fix my messed up life. I was not being fair, and yet I couldn't stop myself.

_Kahn, help me please!_ I reached out to her, but she refused to answer.

"I wish I knew how to help you Ni! I wish I could have been there, but I wasn't. Tell me how to help you and I will!"

"Tell me who I am!"

He paused for a second, just staring at me. Then he sat down on the bed with me and took both of my hands in his. His eyes never leaving mine, "You are Aniah Kahn. You are one of the most brilliant people I know, you are one of the bravest and kindest people in Starfleet. And I'm not just saying this to make you feel better Ni, it's the truth. You are an incredibly talented artist, but you can't carry a tune to save your life,"

I laughed at this, and he smirked before continuing,

"You are one of my best friends, and when I heard that we had found the Valiant my heart stopped." He paused and glanced down at our conjoined hands, "I remember when we heard the ship went missing at the Academy, the whole school mourned! But me….when you and Tim and Jane went missing, a part of me when with you. When we found the ship, but there were only two life signs, I prayed to whoever was listening that you were one of them. And then the view screen broke, and I thought there was no hope. But you're here! And you're alive! And you will live, because that is what you do. You keep going no matter what stands in your way. You keep going because there are people who need you."

I gave him a watery smile, and felt a little better. "Thank you Wes. I've really missed you, you know."

"Likewise." He replied.

He raised his hand to my cheek to brush away any stray tears, "Mom says that you have a meeting with Captain Picard this morning. Come with me I'll take you to your new quarters to get cleaned up and put on some new clothes."  
He pulled me up and let go of my hands, "It's already morning?"

"Yea, you were out when I got here."

We began walking towards the door, "How long were you here before I woke up Wes?"

He didn't look at me but raised a hand to rub the back of his neck, "Only like an hour or two. Mom told me not to wake you, so I just kind of sat around for while."

I smiled, "Thanks for being there."

He smiled back and we continued on our way to the turbolift.

I took in my surroundings and the people going about their business on the ship. There were panels all over the walls that had read outs of the ships functions and maps of the deck. The Galaxy class of Starship was so vastly different than that of the Defiant class. For starters it was much larger, but it was also much brighter and homier. The Defiant class was built for war, an escort vessel that was heavily armed and very fast, easily able to maintain Warp 9.5 for hours. The Galaxy on the other had had luxury and amenities. It was almost like another world. Even the turbolift was different. Where as on the Valiant only two people could barely fit in the lift, on the Enterprise-D Wesley and I fit comfortably with room for at least four other people.

I must have looked odd walking around with my head turning from one direction to another trying to take everything in. I know I garnered a few strange looks from passing crew, but everything was just so interesting. Wesley had promised a full tour after my meeting the Captain Picard later this afternoon.

We exited on Deck 7 and continued on down the seemingly never ending hallways. I knew I would get lost on this ship as soon as Wes left. Finally after what seemed like forever, we stopped in front of door 7347 and Wesley typed a code into the panel on the right hand side of the door.

They hydraulics kicked in and the door silently slid open. It seems everything was bigger on the Enterprise. The room was furnished with a bed a desk a small closet and a bathroom. There was even a small personal replicator. I was shocked at the luxury of the ship! On the Valiant each Cadet shared a room with one other person. Even the Officers shared rooms, the only person with a single was the Commanding Officer.

Wesley stood aside and allowed me to enter first, and I did so tentatively. I looked all over the room, which was a nice light blue color, in awe. Wes stepped in behind me and the doors slid closed.

"The bathroom is in the back on the right and there should be some spare clothes in the closet, I think Deanna had them brought over. Um the code to the door is 27468, and the replicator works. Sorry it's not very much."

I turned to face him, face in disbelief, "Not much?" I scoffed, "I'd be worried to see what you would consider enough! Wes, this is more than enough, almost too much."

Wesley looked surprised at that statement, but didn't question me.

"Your meeting is in about an hour and a half. You should have enough time to get ready."

As he finished his thought, his communicator went off, 'Commander LaForge to Ensign Crusher. Report to Engineering please'.

Wesley taped on his comm to answer the order, "Ensign Crusher to Commander LaForge. I'm on my way." and then taped the badge again to sever the link.

He looked over at me with another smirk, "Well duty calls! I'll try to sneak away before you leave for your meeting to take you to the bridge. If you need anything there is a comm system by the door, you can contact anyone on the ship with that."

I smiled at him, "I'll be alright Wes. See you later."

He waved to me then turned and exited the room. My room.

I stood there and kept my eyes on the spot he had just been standing for a moment, before turning and looking around the room again.

I walked over to the built-in closet that was on my left next to the bed. Inside were grey uniform jumpsuits and a few dresses. I guess Counselor Troi wasn't sure what I would prefer to wear. I chose one of the grey uniforms, after all I was still a Starfleet Cadet, and headed towards the bathroom.

It was simple, the walls covered in a beige plastic material, with a mirror over the sink. There was a sonic shower and a toilet. I suppose not everything is different on the Enterprise.

I stripped out of the patients jumpsuit I had been provided and stepped into the shower, "Computer, activate sonic shower."

I could feel my muscles relax and the grim lifting off my skin. Though I had been cleaned when I had arrived at sickbay, nothing could compare to a sonic shower. I felt at ease as I ran my fingers through my hair, the long white strands damp and clinging to my back from the condeznsated water. I wasn't partial to the sent of the soap the shower had, but it would do for now.

"Computer, deactivate sonic shower."

I reached for the towel that hung on the side of the bathroom door and wrapped it around myself. As I stepped out of the shower I glanced in the mirror. Grey eyes stared back at me. The spots that ran from my forehead down to my toes stood out prominently against the paleness of my skin, eventuated further by the snowy pigment of my hair. I wasn't considered normal looking amongst the Trill. In fact, my physical appearance was due to a genetic abnormality that occurred late in my mother's pregnancy.

It wasn't my appearance that I took notice of though, it was the hallow expression my eyes held. I was surprised that the lack of emotion they expressed, considering not long before I was sobbing uncontrollably. But their they were, steely and guarded. Another change about myself that I didn't like. So much about myself had changed so quickly, it was staggering.

I also noticed I had some minor cuts along my arms and on my face. They must have been the least of Dr. Crusher's worries though. They looked like they would heal well in time.

Looking away from the mirror I donned the grey uniform I had brought in with me, and piled my hair on top of my head in a very sloppily executed bun. I deposited the towel back on its hook and exited the bathroom. I had remembered to bring my sketchbook with my from sickbay and felt the need to draw.

I sat on the bed and tried to recall the dream I had right before Wes had woken me up, but for some reason I couldn't recall it. I remember the feelings that I had felt during it, but the images were gone. Instead I started to draw Dr. Crusher. I had seen her enough in the last two days to have a pretty decent mental picture, but some of the details were fuzzy. As I drew I left out what I couldn't' remember in my minds eye, I had a feeling I would be seeing her soon and I could fill in the details accurately rather than how I thought I remembered them. I only wanted her portrait, from the shoulders up. That is how I liked to draw most of the people I knew. I felt their facial expressions and the lines and curves of they produced could say more about a person than an entire body. The subtlest details could tell an entitle story.

I had just started working on her hair when my door buzzed, signifying that someone was outside.

"Enter."

Wesley entered the room as I placed the sketchbook on my desk.

"Ready to go?" He asked in his exuberant way.

"Yes."

We exited the room together and he led me down more corridors and around more turns than I could count before we finally reached the turbolift.

Once we had entered the lift, I lamented that I would never be able to remember all of the twists and turns we had taken.

He only laughed and replied, "That's what you have me for." and instantly I knew I'd never be lost aboard the Enterprise.

When the doors to the lift opened Wesley stepped out before me, and I took a deep breath before joining him. As soon as I stepped foot on the bridge of the flagship of the Federation I felt intimidated, but I also felt relaxed. It was like I was meant to be here, I'd never really felt that way before.

Some of the greatest minds had served aboard this vessel and it's predecessors, and in that moment I hoped that one day I would be one of them. In fact I was determined to make it happen.

My confidence wavered however when Captain Jean-Luc Picard strode over to me with a stern look on his face. My dreams would have to wait, right now it was time for more important matters.

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Glad you've stuck with me. Don't forget to review!


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own anything involving the Star Trek Franchise.

Thanks to my reviews, faves, and follows! Enjoy Chapter 5 :)

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**Chapter 5**

"Cadet Kahn, please join me in the Observation Room. Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Commander Data, and Lieutenant Worf please join us."

The Capitan's voice was firm and his tone brisk. He had begun to exit towards the Observation Room when a voice called out to him.

"Sir, requesting permission to join the senior staff in the Observation Room for briefing on the U.S.S Valiant."

I looked to my right to see it had come from Wesley.

Captain Picard stopped and turned to face him, "No Ensign Crusher, permission denied. Please take Commander Data's position at the helm."

The Captain turned and continued his trek to the Observation Room.

Wes took a step forward ready to protest, but I reached out and grabbed his arm, "Wes. It's alright. I'll fill you in on everything, alright?"

I tried to offer him a smile, but I had grown so nervous that I don't think it was very successful.

"Cadet, this way please."

The voice of a brunette man broke the moment, and I followed him out into the other room.

The doors closed behind me, and I looked at the faces around the table. Sitting there was the Capitan, Counselor Troi, the man who had spoken to me on the bridge, a Klingon, and a man with very sallow skin.

The Captain was the first to speak, "Let me make quick introductions. I believe you have already meet Counselor Troi. This is my First Officer, Commander William Riker. Our Chief of Security and Chief Tactical Officer Mr. Worf, and Commander Data, our Operations Officer."

I nodded to each in turn and stood at attention, "It is an honor to meet you all. I am Cadet Second Class Aniah Kahn, special designation Red Squad."

"A pleasure to meet you Cadet. Please take a seat." The Captain motioned to a chair at the head of the table that had been left vacant.

Once I was comfortably seated, or as comfortable as I could be in this situation, the questioning began.

"Cadet, I need you to inform my senior officers, and myself about what has transpired on the U.S.S Valiant since is alleged disappearance 10 months ago."

I took a deep breath and began, "10 months ago the U.S.S Valiant was attacked by a Cardassian battle cruiser in the Kepla Sector, and all Officers on board were killed in action. Cadet Tim Watters was appointed Acting Captain by our Commanding Officer Hector Ramirez. We had set out from the Deep Space 9 station 4 months prior for the Red Squads year long mission. Our weapons systems were severely damaged, and our warp capabilities were reduced to nearly a third of what they had been. We were dead in space. Once Tim…excuse me Cadet Watters was in command we were able to restore our weapons and destroy the battle cruiser. We had gotten lucky that no other lives were lost. The Acting Captain had decided to continue our mission, and appointed me his First Officer as well as his Operations Officer. We had came across a with a ship that had been fleeing a Jem'Hadar battleship. Unfortunately all of it's passengers were dead. We had been working on our warp drive, and once were were capable of reaching warp 8 we followed the residual trail of the battleship. We were able to catch the battleship, and we were able to obtain comprehensive data on their ship's design and capabilities. We thought that we were going to be able to get out in time, but they shot a torpedo directly at our already damaged warp drive, leaving us with warp 2 and impulse power only. Cadet Watters gave the order for red alert, wanting us to engage in full combat. I warned him this was the wrong course of action, that we should leave while we could, but he wouldn't listen. He ordered for us to attack the ship…and we did."I paused, still remembering the argument, the way the ship rocked from the blasts.

"One system after the next went off line. We were sitting ducks. I realized at that point that Cadet Watters was compromised and I assumed Command…not without resistance from him. Once I had command of the ship, I ordered my crew to abandon ship. We had five escape ships, enough for the 47 Cadets that were on board. The ship had to stay manned in order to give the escape ships a chance at survival, so I stayed. I was able to pilot the ship to be between the escape ships and the battleship, but in the confusion I'm honestly not sure how many made it. The ship was taking a beating and our shields were gone, parts of the bridge were collapsing and the panels were destroyed. That's about the time that you showed up. And you know the rest."

The Officers around me were silent, and I was caught up in memories.

That is, until Commander Data felt the need to speak on the matter, "Sir, we didn't register any escape ships on our radar when we entered the vicinity. The chances of their survival are improbable."

"Thank you Commander." The Captain replied, sounding slightly annoyed with the other mans bluntness.

"Cadet." The Captain began, and I looked at him, "I would first like to commend you on your sense of judgement, and your bravery. Starfleet is lucky to be getting a capable young officer such as yourself."

There was a small smile on my face as I responded, "Thank you sir. That means a lot."

"I will contact Starfleet and give them a full briefing on the situation. Cadet you are dismissed."

I stood, gave a nod, and exited the room. Once outside I felt my shoulders deflate, and I let out a tired sigh.

"Niha! How'd it go?" Wesley had gotten up from his console when he saw me reenter the bridge, and all but jogged over to me.

"It went fine Wes."  
"Fine?" He raised his eyebrows, "Can we just outlaw that word please?"

I rolled my eyes, "Really Wesley?"

"Really."

"Ok ok no more 'fine'. The meeting went…well?"

I didn't mean for it to sound like a question, but I wasn't sure how else to phrase it. I had just discussed how I may have inadvertently sent 47 people to their deaths. I wouldn't say that is something that could be quantified in words.

Before he had a chance to respond the doors behind me opened and the senior officers of the Enterprise exited the Observation Room. They all walked by me with varying emotions. Commander Riker faced me with a tense smile, Lieutenant Worf just stopped and looked at me for a moment before moving on. Counselor Troi offered me a real smile and returned to her position on the left side of the Captain's chair. It was Commander Data who actually stopped and spoke to me.

"Cadet, your records state that you a talent for the operations, and flying a starship."

"You read my file?" I realized after the fact that this comment could have been construed as disrespectful, "I'm sorry sir, that isn't my place."

The Commander tilted his head to the right a bit, "I downloaded your file Cadet. I thought it would be useful to have information regarding your skill set. I also accessed you Academy admissions score, which I must say are impressive."

I stood mildly shocked for a moment trying to not only absorb the fact that he knew this information, but also the fact that he found it impressive. I must have been standing there for longer than what was considered normal because the next thing I heard was the Commander asking if he had said something wrong.

Attempting to recover at least a shred of dignity I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and answered,"No Commander, you didn't say anything wrong. I'm sorry you just took me off guard. Thank you for your praise sir."

"If you would ever like to discuss the ships operations, please don't hesitate to find me." With

that he walked back to the console that Wes had vacated.

I turned towards Wesley who was still standing beside me, "Did he say…downloaded?"

Wes looked down at me and smirked, "Yes he did. Data is an Android, the only one of his kind that has been accepted into Starfleet so far."

I looked back over at the Commander and all I was able to whisper was, "Wow"

"Common I think I owe you a tour." Wesley grabbed my hand and practically dragged me towards the turbolift.

The tour was comprehensive to say the least. As we walked down the never ending maze of corridors I was struck again by the sheer size of the Enterprise. I told Wes that he would have to make me a map so I would remember how to get from point A to point B. He laughed, so I tried to pretend I wasn't being serious. He told me if I ever got lost I could just tap one of the panels that lined the walls, tell it where I wanted to go and it would lead me there. Though this sounded like an amazing feat of technology, I didn't like the idea of being the girl who was so lost she had to ask the walls where she was going.

It seemed like Wes didn't want to leave anything out because he dragged me from top to bottom, from aft to stern, port to starboard. He showed me the basics, but also his favorite hideouts. I had to remember that Wes had years to find these places, to pick and choose which ones would suit his mood best. After all he did grow up on this ship.

We ended the tour at the ship's bar, Ten Forward, which I quickly decided was my favorite place onboard other than the bridge. We sat at a table near the back of the room, one that was positioned next to a large window, in which I became entranced by the stars rushing by. We were having a quoted conversation about what had happened to us over the past year. He told me about his incident with the Nova Squadron and his brief relationship with a fellow Cadet, and in return I told him about the first few months onboard the Valiant. I didn't go into the events of the last few weeks though, and I was grateful that he didn't ask me to.

We had lost track of time because all of a sudden Wesley's communicator went off with a comm from Commander Riker telling him that his shift was about to start. He stood and offered to walk me back to my room, but I denied saying that I wanted to sit here a little longer and watch the stars go by.

He smiled and said that he would try to find me later, before gently reminding me to use the walls if I got lost. Then he was gone again.

I sat there watching stars and planets blurred as we shot by them. I was reminded of when my mother had pointed out shooting stars to me from back on Trill, telling me to make a wish. She told me stories of how there were people out in the universe who raced the stars, and even shot past them. I found it somehow ironic that I was that person who parents were telling their children about now.

There was suddenly someone in front of me. A woman with beautifully smooth, dark skin, wearing a dress of purple. Her hair was in thin twisted locks around her head, and her eyes held the wisdom of a thousand years.

"Hello," she said warmly, "My name is Guinan. You look like you have a lot on your mind."

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Another one down. Hope you are liking it. Don't be afraid to review!


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: ** Hi Everyone! I am SO sorry this is a week and a day late! Things got busy at work, but it's here now, I'll post next week I hope :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own nor claim any of the Star Trek franchise.

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Chapter 6

As it turned out, I did need to use the walls to guide me back to my quarters, and it was just as embarrassing as I had expected it to be.

My face was hot with shame as I followed the glowing lights down hallways and around corners until I finally reached my quarters. It hadn't made me feel any better when I was walking down the corridors and I could feel eyes boring into my back. I even thought I had heard two girls snicker at one point.

I entered the room and leaned against the door as it closed, letting my head fall back. Today had been more stressful and strenuous than I originally thought. All the walking had wiped me out physically, and my talk with Guinan had unintentionally taxed me emotionally. I found myself laying on my bed barely able to keep my eyes open.

My mind re-examined the conversation I had just had with Guinan. Her ability to read people astounded me.

_"You look like you have a lot on your mind." she said._

_I huffed out a laugh and looked down at my hands, "Is it that obvious."_

_"Only to those who are willing to notice."_

_I raised my eyebrows while looking up at her, and asked almost sarcastically, "And you're willing?"_

_She inclined her head forward slightly, "More than most."_

_I was beginning to think that every woman aboard this ship was always calm, or at least wore a very convincing calm venire. I felt like I should be taking detailed notes on their demeanors, drawing diagrams on how to keep my face soft and taking recordings of their voices in order to repeat them and train myself to keep my voice low._

_"I'm Aniah, it's a pleasure to meet you."_

_"Likewise." She looked out at the stars like I had been, "It really is incredible isn't it."_

_I followed her gaze, "Yea…it really is."_

_"The view isn't the only incredible thing onboard though…I've heard you performed quite a feat on the ship we found."_

_My head snapped to face her, but she hadn't moved,"It really wasn't as impressive as you're making it sound."_

_She finally looked my way with a smile, "Oh?" she paused, "My mistake then."_

_"I don't understand why people keep praising me. They keep telling me how lucky I am… but I don't feel very lucky at all. I may have been responsible for the deaths of 47 people, why did I live? How can I feel lucky when I am the only survivor of my ship?"_

_My voice may have been harsher than I intended it to be, but I felt like I needed to be harsh. I needed to make someone to understand why my situation wasn't a good one, why I wasn't lucky or deserving of any of the sympathy people were showing me._

_Guinan sat there quietly for a few moments before speaking slowly. Then again it seemed that everything Guinan said was spoken slowly. Every word was carefully chosen due to it's meaning and how it would work in context. But her sentences were never awkwardly spaced or broken. They were fluid and graceful, as if she has had years to think about what she would say for that moment, _

_"Well, you lived because there is more to your story. You're here, because this is where you are meant to be. I never said you were lucky. It wasn't luck that saved you, it was skill. You were able to focus long enough to not only save yourself, but your crew." _

_I opened my mouth to protest, but she beat me to it, "If you hadn't given the order to abandon ship….how likely do you think it would have been that all of your crew would have a chance for survival. You gave them the chance. I don't know about you, but I find that pretty incredible." She sounded so certain, like there was no room for argument. _

_Those were her parting words, as she got up and returned to the bar. I stared transfixed on the spot where she was just sitting, and for the first time I really believed that they might be alive, and maybe I had given them the chance to live._

I was still string at my ceiling as the memory faded from my mind.

"How did she do that?" I wondered out loud.  
Within five minutes that woman had gotten me to tell her more about what I was feeling than Tim had gotten me to tell him in over two months. It had taken me even longer to open up to Wesley, which at this moment felt somewhat ironic considering that I had just been clinging to him for dear life this morning.

My eyes were becoming heavier and heavier, but my mind was fighting against my body. Unfortunately for my mind, my body won.

I dreamt about one time when my family had gone down to the beach back on Trill. I had been very young, maybe only six at the time but I remember the day clearly. It was a small pebble beach not far from the limits of Bak'al, the city that I had grown up in.

There was no one else there that day, the sky was heavy with clouds that made everything look almost monochrome. My sister and I were running up and down the shore shrieking with laughter, but I can't remember now what we had been doing beforehand to make our smiles so wide. Mother and father sat a ways back on a large, flat rock. She was reading aloud to him who lay with his head in her lap, eyes closed, a quiet smile on his face.

I remember that I was wearing a light blue dress, with grey leggings. I had made a huge fuss that morning, stomping my feet and pouting until my face had been sore because my mother had tried to make me wear this new dress she had gotten me. It was this putrid green color with horrendous yellow flowers on it. The garment was completely vile. So in retaliation I had gone to my closet to grab my favorite blue dress and thrown it on. In my six year old rage though, I had managed to put the dress on backwards though, and the impact of my point was diminished by my mother's laughter.

My sister and I had been collecting rocks on the beach all day, it was our favorite thing to do when we went to the beach. She had found this absolutely stunning rock, it was a deep blue color but was mildly transparent, and the surface was frosted rather than smooth. It was no bigger than the size of her small palm. I was extremely jealous of her, I had never found something so beautiful, but my sister was one of the kindest souls I knew. She lead a peaceful and harmonic existence with everything around her, and thus promised me to share what became known as our "sister stone". Something for us to share equally.

That was such a happy memory of my family. There weren't many others like that after I had decided to join Starfleet. I had made that decision when I was twelve, when we had officers from Starfleet visit our planet. At the time my parents thought it was a phase, and though still not happy allowed my delusions of grander to continue. But when I was sixteen and had been preparing to take an early entrance exam, they realized the severity of their situation. My parents had fully expected me to attend the Trill Science Ministry, to advance my planet and bring honor to my family. My sister, being two years older than me, had began training to be a healer, and though my parents still were disappointed at her decision, she was at least, as they would say, "Staying loyal to her people, rather than galavanting across the cosmos in search of glory and death."

To my parents great relief I did not pass the entrance exam the first time, and was unable to apply again until I was eighteen, which is the age at which most applicants submit themselves for review to the Academy. The two years between my exams were spent with constant harassment and disappointed glares from my parents. At one point they had even begged me to reconsider my decision, to apply to the Science Ministry and forget "this Star Fleet nonsense". I had of course, not heeded their words and applied again, this time gaining entrance to the institution that I had been enthralled with for the past six years. It was at this point, with my departure imminent that my parents resorted to threats. If I left, they said, I would be disowned from my family, with no claim to my name, my history, or my home. And it was this that made me begin to reconsider.

A few months before my decision to the Academy had to be made, I was chosen by the Trill Symbiosis Commission to receive the Kahn Symbiont, making my decision even more difficult. It was the duty of a "walker", to teach their symbiont about the galaxy and vice versa. It wasn't just my life I was living anymore, I was now living for Kahn and she was living for me. This only reinforced my desire to see the universe through Starfleet.

It wasn't until my sister approached me one night that I was able to make my decision. I was sitting on the beach, looking up at the two moons that floated in the sky, when I felt someone sit next to me. She told me that I should go to Starfleet, that she would always be my sister no matter where I was in the universe. It was then that she gave me a necklace with a silver chain, a stone dangling at the end no bigger than the nail on my forefinger. It was part of the beautiful stone we had found 12 years ago. She showed me that she was wearing one as well and told me I would alway have family on Trill, with her.

Two weeks later I was on a shuttle heading towards Earth. I haven't spoken to my parents since.

I awoke to the chiming of the door, and groggily called for whoever was on the other side to state who they were.

"Ni, it's Wes. Are you alright?"

I allowed Wesley access into the room as I sat up on my bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

"Hey", he said with a smile as he entered the room, "I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm sorry."

With eyes half closed I sent him a smile, "Don't worry about it. What time is it?"

"21:00, I was wondering if you wanted to head to the mess hall and grab some dinner? But if you'd rather sleep instead I'd understand."

"No, no. I didn't intend to sleep that long…I honestly can't remember the last time I had a real meal." I laughed a somewhat bitterly at that. "Speaking of which….Wes what is the Stardate? I can't believe I forgot to ask earlier."

He hesitated when answering me.

"You were unconscious for almost 12 hours after you were beamed aboard. Then you were in sickbay for 2 days. The Stardate is 2368.145."

Three days. It had been almost three days since I was rescued from the Valiant. Three days since I had seen my crew. Three days since Tim died. How had time progressed so quickly? It hadn't felt like it was more than a few hours, a day at most!

Wesley saw the distressed look on my face and strode over to me, taking a seat on my bed next to me.

"I know how hard this is. I remember when Captain Picard came to my house to tell me about my father…it's just not something you forget."

I turned to face him, "Does it ever go away?"

He smiled sadly, "No. But it does get easier. It's like, you always know something isn't right….that something is missing. But life goes on, and you realize that there are people who are still here, who still care, and that makes it more bearable…it makes you want to be here too."

I returned his smile, though like his it was twanged with sorrow, "I'll get there."

"I know you will." He patted my hand and stood, offering his own hand to me, "Common, let's grab some food, then I want to show you something."

I groaned lightly while reaching out my hand to grasp his, "Wes, you took me on the most comprehensive tour that Starfleet has ever known. I don't even think Captain Picard got such a thorough tour of the ship when he took Command!"

He rolled his eyes, but grinned none the less. Though this time there was no sadness present, "Trust me! I showed you this earlier but I didn't really show you it."

I raised my eyes brows thoroughly confused, "What?"

He pulled me up off my bed, "Just follow me. I promise you'll like it."

So with quite skepticism I followed the young genius out of my quarters, and onto the winding decks of the Enterprise.

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